Quotes from Norm vs. Danny and Shelly
Ivan Rodriguez, Fayetteville, GA
Mr. Denby: I was just in the women's restroom and guess what I found out?
Norm: Oh, now bear in mind, sir, those aren't professional pollets, and they could be referring to somebody else named Mr. Denby.
I know it wasn't "pollets," but that's what it sounded like and I couldn't figure out what it really was. Can anyone help?
David Sutton, Los Angeles CA
Mr. Denby: Laurie, you don't know how bad it is in the men's room. Norm, tell her.
Norm: There's a men's room here? Boy, the manager of the donut shop across the street will be happy to hear that.
Laurie: You've been using the bathroom inside the donut shop?
Norm: There's a bathroom in that donut shop?
Taylor: Norm, I think you're overthinking this.
Norm: Really? No one's ever accused me of that before.
W.J. Wilson, Columbus, GA
Mr. Denby: What are you looking at?
Norm: Oh, nothing, sir. This stunned expression signifying utter revulsion? This is how I always look.
Laurie: It must be very difficult for you, sir, you have a dirty bathroom. You know who you should complain to? The first woman president. Yes, we have bright shiny mirrors, we have a lot of light. You know why that is? That's so we can see the sideburns on our face thanks to menopause. Menopause, you see, is our reward for bleeding profusely once a month for thirty years. So I tell you what I'm gonna do. I will take the extra forty cents on every dollar that you make with your penis, and in exchange I will gladly crap next to a family of rats!
George Stragalas, Union, NJ
Shelly: So, how exactly did you have sex without touching her?
Norm: Well, it wasn't my best work, I'll tell you that.
Kris Savage, Independece, MO
Mr. Denby: I was just in the women's restroom and guess what I found out?
Norm: I'm a big monkey with big breasts?
Amir Bahadori, Kansas City, KS
Mr. Denby: Laurie, you don't know how bad it is in the men's room. Norm, tell her.
Norm: Yes, Laurie, it's so dirty in there that when Mr. Denby's big prostate fell out of his ass, he didn't even pick it up. Imagine that.
Stacy Stodden, Kidder, MO
Mr. Denby: Laurie, you don't know how bad it is in the men's room. Norm, tell her.
Norm: Poop.
Booger Jones, New York, NY
Mr. Denby: What are you looking at?
Norm: Laurie's boobs.
Stephen Grunschel, Champaign, IL
Mr. Denby: What are you looking at?
Norm: *runs back to mailboxes, grabs some paper, crumples it up, throws it into the air, and run away into the counseling room*
Karin Bell, Jefferson, GA
Shelly: So, how exactly did you have sex without touching her?
Norm: Well, uh, nobody I had sex with is ever truly touched.
Mark Callatone, Salem, OH
Shelly: So, how exactly did you have sex without touching her?
Norm: Oh, no, you don't understand. She didn't say "slept" with her, she said "schlepped" with her. You see, Taylor's been teaching me a little Yiddish, y'know. You've got to believe me, this meshugganuh means bupkis to me.
Sorry if I got anyone's name wrong. They were a bit hard to read there at the end.
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