Quotes from Norm and Weiner Dog vs. Fatherhood

Norm: You're looking especially chipper today, landlady. What, did you drag a water buffalo down or something?

Artie: Look, toots, I don't think you have any idea who you're messing with. I know a bunch of people in this town and I could introduce you to a world of hurt!
Landlady: Shut your damn mouth.
Artie: That really only works on little kids.

Mr. Denby: I wasn't in town when my own kids were born. In fact, I'm not so sure I was there for the conception.

Danny: Yesterday, y'know, we went to this seminar where they gave us a small hand mirror and told us to befriend our genitalia.
Laurie: Well, you can never have too many friends.

Norm: We're gonna be rich. Ha ha ha. Well, not rich, but we will be indoors.

Laurie: Oh, Norm, this is breaking my heart. This is like watching Sophie's Choice on Animal Planet.

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