Quotes from Norm and the Hopeless Cause

Norm: What have you always wanted to do to me?
Mr. Denby: Oh, set you on fire.

Shelly: Did she leave him 'cause he weird, or is weird 'cause she left him.

Mr. Denby: I think I aggravated an old war injury. I got it crawling across the border into Canada.

Norm: You screwed it up, sir. What's wrong with you? Man, now I'll never get together with Shelly.
Mr. Denby: It's not my fault. If you'd let me set you on fire we'd both be happy now.

Norm: That's Rebecca? Geez, there, she doesn't look like a regular old lesbian, she looks more like a porno lesbian.

Laurie: Well, I'm gonna go get some alcohol so I can talk about my private parts.

Rebecca: She dumped me.
Norm: She did? Oh my goodness, the way you look, for her to dump you, you gotta be real annoying, huh?

Laurie: My pregnant client, she's having a craving for peanut butter and crack.

Norm: Well, let me ask you something, now, that I've always been curious about about you lesbians. How is it that you like breasts so much and you're not playing with your own all day long?
Rebecca: What makes you think I don't? That's why I was late.
Norm: Oh my lord.

Norm: She really likes me, but something is holding her back.
Artie: Maybe it's your total lack of any kind of vagina.

Laurie: Norm, please stop chasing her, she's a lesbian.
Norm: I know that, but she told me she had sex with a guy, so in my book she's a lesbian with an asterisk.

Rebecca: They have these huge fragile egos.
Laurie: Yeah, but see, it's not really that bad, see. It's like they're pythons: one compliment about their genitals, they can live off that for months.
Rebecca: And, I guess their erogenous zones are a little easier to find.
Laurie: Yes, those are easier to find, and hey, if you can't find them they're gonna put your hand right on there anyway.

Norm: A buddy does not kiss another buddy's gay buddy.

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